Waking up on the day that you are going to meet your child is strange. I never had a scheduled birth with my other children, so this was a very new feeling for me. We did not have to be to the Civil Affairs building until 2pm, so we had most of the morning to ourselves.
We had breakfast. We tried to take a walk, but the humidity in Nanning pretty much makes you sweat on contact, so that was short lived.
We walked down to the Wal-Mart and decided to buy a stroller for Maggie that we would use and than fly home with us. Everything was a blur, actually. We moved around, we cleaned up the room. We double and triple checked paperwork. We showered and got ready. We stared out windows and just looked at each other.
18 months of active working and we were at the climax. We were hours and minutes away from meeting our daughter. It was an overwhelming feeling. I couldn't eat lunch and felt like throwing up most of the day. My heart rate was racing when we got into our little van and headed out. We went with another family who would adopt the little girl whose crib was right next to Maggie. Their little lady was a couple months older than Maggie and the girls were put together a lot. We all felt nervous and excited and completely overwhelmed. I honestly thought I may throw up.
The building was like a DMV. People were waiting to get into after the lunch break, just like the DMV in the U.S. We went and sat in an open room, with desks around us. People were waiting to be seen, just like every day occurrences. We sat down and waited to meet our daughter. It seemed so odd. A massive life moment was going to happen in the equivalent of a Chinese DMV.
We waited and were told the orphanage director was running late. 10 minutes ticked by and we were told that one family would go into a small room to meet their daughter and than the other family would go in.
20 minutes after our scheduled meeting time, we were told that the girls were here and that, due to time constraints, we would both go in together and meet the girls at the same time. We were relieved to be able to do that together. We saw a lady carry a dark haired little girl and my heart stopped. Was it Maggie? Was it Lucy?
Sunshine, our adoption guide, led us into a small room and I heard Sunshine say, " Li Ya. This is Li Ya." and pointed to a lady that was sitting on a bench, holding a baby. I was not sure how I would respond. I vacillated between wanting to puke and then feeling overwhelmed, but when I walked into that room, trembling with anticipation and nerves, I saw her and I started to cry. There she was. I had been waiting for her for so long.
Her nanny stood up and handed her to me. We were prepared for her to cry the whole time, but she did not. She just stared at me, with a stoic serious face. She was dripping with sweat and her back was completely wet. Ryan and I talked to her, showed her a stuffed elephant that the kids picked out for her and tried to engage with her. She just looked at us. She did not cry, she did not smile. She held her hands out, a "don't touch" type stance and just looked. The room was filled with talking and tears as the other family talked and played with their daughter and we talked with ours. The orphanage director and two of the nannies were able to talk with us and tell us about Maggie and tell us about her story.
Here is the thing. My daughter's story is incredible. It is mind boggling and it leaves me deeply humbled that I was chosen to be her mother. Hearing about her beginnings and her fight and her beautiful resilience makes me so proud and honored and completely humbled to be apart of her story from here on out. We are so lucky to have her. Maggie's story is not my story though, so we will not be sharing it all here. It is her story to tell, when she is older and when she wants to. She does not need to read about it online. She will get to decide what is known or not known.
We will say this. She was born premature and spent time in the hospital. She was born with Duodenal Atresia, which means that part of her intestine was closed. Because of this closure, she would vomit and have diarrhea after every feeding. Even though she would get sick from eating, she would still fight to keep eating, to give her body the nutrients that it needed to survive. The nannies were so proud of her. They said that other children would have died. They would not have fought so hard to eat, regardless of how sick they would get. But our girl, our little fighter. she kept going. She was able to have surgery in China and the closure has been corrected.
L to R: Maggie's main nanny. The Orphanage director, us, second nanny.
And this strong, stoic little lady was ours.
We talked with the nannies, we cried, we took pictures and than all of a sudden, we were told it was time to leave. We walked into this plain, sterile building alone and we walked out with a daughter. They literally handed her to us and that was it.
We went back to our hotel and spent time signing and fingerprinting all sorts of legal Chinese papers. We would legally adopt Maggie tomorrow. We had to have her for 24 hours before we can legally adopt her, so these papers were very important. While we signed and fingerprinted, Maggie fell asleep on me.
This sweet girl had one of the hardest days of her little life. She experienced a very large loss, the loss of her life as she knows it. She went on a van ride, possibly the longest of her life, to be handed to complete strangers who do not look like her, sounds like her, smell like her. She left her caretakers to be placed in the care of people she has never seen before. While we had been working, preparing and praying for her, she knew nothing of us.
She woke up in a strange room with strangers and she cried. She grieved and it was heartbreaking. Ryan held her and I talked to her and she fought emotions. I watched her grow very sad, lips trembling and then completely stop. She would literally stop herself from crying and shut down, only to repeat the whole process again. This went on for awhile and it was truly one of the most painful things to watch.
Food helped and we tried to play with her. She just was stoic and sad and confused. We stayed in the hotel, ordered room service and just loved on this sweet, sad baby.
When it was time for bed, we kissed her, prayed over her and laid her down in the pack n play, unsure of what to do. She could see me from the mesh siding. She let out two little cries, put her thumb in her mouth and went to sleep. It was one of the saddest things for me. This little girl was totally able to put herself to sleep...like she did every single night of her life.
Adoption is born from loss. There is no way around it. Maggie lost her biological family, she lost her orphanage family. She did not have a choice in any of these decisions. But there is redemption. There is hope and there is a future for her. A future that many people who deeply loved her put into place. Her birth parents gave the ultimate sacrifice by giving her up, thus allowing the government run orphanage to get her life-saving surgery that she needed. Her orphanage nannies loved her so much, that they placed her on the international list, so that she would be able to get a better education, better medical care and have a better life. They could have placed her on a domestic list and possibly been able to see her more often, but they did what they thought was the best for her. And we get to raise this amazing, beautiful lady. The full circle of people that loved on our Maggie is so beautiful. She will always know how loved she is.
Our China Adoption Trip:
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