Post Adoption: Month 5

We have been home 5 whole months with this sweet face. It seems like yesterday, and yet it seems like a million years ago.

It is hard to think of life without Maggie at this point. She just fits.

The comment was made at one of our family gatherings during the holidays about how much Maggie just fits right in.

A friend met Maggie for the first time after Christmas and commented on how much she was "totally a Fedell". I smiled as I watched her crawl all over the library floor, heading to the blocks with the other kids.

But then she went on to say that she was not surprised at all that Maggie just fit so well. We had prayed and prayed over her and our adoption and countless other people had as well.

It was not surprising at all.

It was just an answer to prayer.

And that is what she is. An answer to our prayers.

 This month we had the honor of dedicating Maggie to the Lord. We are so blessed to be chosen to be her parents.

We did the dedication at my sister's church so that our family could be apart of it. The sleeping baby to the left is my niece, Emma Jane, who was also dedicated that day.

 Living her best life at Target.

Attachment: This seems to be going well. She loves LOVES her daddy, but is also bonded to me. I tend to do the "hard" stuff with her like doctor appointments, cleaning her nose and giving medication. She did reach for me when the pediatrician was checking her and she started to cry. My pediatrician was SO excited and said that was exactly what she was looking for attachment wise. It is good that she is not comfortable with strangers and she wanted me. It was just one more baby step in the right direction.

Food and growth: She is getting pickier with her food, but also is starting to chew and bite much better.  She is able to use her molars to grind some of her food, which she was not doing before. I think she is ready for more table food, then the softer baby food. We need to start working on using utensils now and are still not getting much fluid in her besides her formula bottles. She is over 21 pounds now, so still growing nicely.

She has popped out three more teeth, totaling 14. I think she is almost ready for some steak ;)

Health: Maggie had a rough month with getting her first real cold that turned into an ear infection. It has made sleeping really hard for her (and for us!) She also was able to get a blood draw at the U of M children's hospital. They got it on the first attempt, so we were thankful for that. It confirmed that she has Thalassemia Beta, a genetic blood disorder that is very common in China. It basically means that she makes defective hemoglobins. It will not really affect her at all, besides a mild type anemia and there is not a treatment for it. It is just something that we are aware of.

Physical and Verbal Development: She is still cruising all over the place and can now walk 15-20 steps between us. Will she walk on her own or without two people for her to go between? No. Can she walk if she wanted to? Yes. So the Early On lady recommended that we just make her walk everywhere instead of carrying her. After we change her diaper, we walk with her (she holds one hand and walks) down the hall way to the living room. We walk her into the dining room for dinner instead of carrying her.  So if you see me walking, very, very slowly, down the halls or around the soccer fields, that is why. Practice makes perfect, right? Or in our case, practice makes walkers!

Verbally she is babbling and "talking" more. Her brothers taught her a new word that she is so proud of: Dilly Dilly. As in, the Bud Light slogan "Dilly Dilly." Perfect. I am so proud my baby can say a beer catch phrase.

Maggie LOVED playing with Alaina, her second cousin, in this little desk nook. Despite her reaction, Alaina liked it too!

Goals: Walking! Talking! Stacking blocks! Using a spoon and fork! All these little things that we do daily and do without thinking, is what we need to work on with Maggie. She is doing great, we just need to work on her fine and gross motor skills.
 We have our six month post-adoption placement home visit coming up, so we will see what the social worker says.

Our winter is filled with soccer, basketball and dance practices, preschool pick ups and weekends on either a field or a court and Maggie just rolls with it. She is in and out of the car so much, spends hours waiting for a sibling in a confined place and she just smiles and hangs out. Don't get me wrong, she has some serious spice to her and will let her opinion known, but she is happy when we are all together, even if that means watching brother's practice. 

We've had Maggie for 1/4 of her life now. We can't wait to spend the rest of it with her.

In Christ Alone

In Christ alone! - who took on flesh,

Fullness of God in helpless babe.

This gift of love and righteousness,

Scorned by the ones He came to save:

Till on that cross as Jesus died,

The wrath of God was satisfied -

For every sin on Him was laid;

Here in the death of Christ I live.

There in the ground His body lay,

Light of the world by darkness slain:

Then bursting forth in glorious day

Up from the grave He rose again!

And as He stands in victory

Sin's curse has lost its grip on me,

For I am His and He is mine -

Bought with the precious blood of Christ.

No guilt in life, no fear in death,

This is the power of Christ in me;

From life's first cry to final breath,

Jesus commands my destiny.

No power of hell, no scheme of man,

Can ever pluck me from His hand:

Till He returns or calls me home,

Here in the power of Christ I'll stand.

~lyrics by Stuart Townsend and Keith Getty

Sometimes, when the words fail to come and it is just the resonating sounds of the heart, you let the words of a song come forth and bask in its resounding truth. This was how I was feeling today.

In Christ Alone...

Happy Easter to you and your family!

May you experience the peace and power of Christ this Sunday morning!

No guilt in life, no fear in death!

Advent: In the Waiting

It is Christmas time. The stocking are hung by the chimney with care, with one little sock missing, waiting from afar.

Not missing from our hearts. Not missing from our minds. Not missing from our prayers.

But missing from our home. Missing from our arms.

It is difficult.

This season of waiting.

To know that NEXT Christmas will be different.

One more Fedell stocking.

Will it be a girl stocking or  boy stocking? It is like the world's longest ultrasound...waiting to find out. Waiting for a peak at our Little One.

There is also the longing in the wait. Is our baby safe? Is our baby warm and fed and loved? Every night that is our prayer. Keep our baby safe, protected and loved.

But there is hope in the waiting. An expectancy.

As this season of Advent is winding down and the birth of our Saviour approached, the joy increases with the impatient waiting and longing.


For while we wait, while we hope, there is GREAT joy! Joy in knowing that our arms will soon be filled, that our home will soon be open and that,regardless of our plans, God is in control.....


Joy to the world, the Lord has come!

* We are still doing our Puzzle fundraiser to help bring our Little One home. If you would like to make a tax- deductible donation before the end of the year, please click HERE. We are so honored to have you partner with us in the journey.

In All Circumstances

source


2016.
What a year.

In this year, I have been reminded more than ever to give thanks in ALL circumstances.
The good and the bad.

It is so much easier said than done.
I have struggled at times to truly, honestly give thanks.
Personal and selfish desires are such strong emotions.

It is easy to give thanks when things are going well, when blessings seem to pour forth.
It is not easy when things are not going your way, or the way you planned.

So, today, I am challenged again.

Give thanks in ALL circumstances.

Because when the dust settles, the blessings are so abundant. So excessive.
Health, family, love, laughter. They are all there. They are all around us.

So, on this Thanksgiving day, I choose to give thanks in all my circumstances, today and every day forward.

What are you thankful for?

We Are Ready

The air hung heavy and thick, the humidity so dense you could cut a knife through it. Sweat, earth and the sweet scent of tropical flowers scented the air while the ground left a perpetual covering of a deep red dust.  Laughter and shouts filled the air as groups of kids ran and played, begging to be picked up, thrown in the air, spun around. A dark, chubby little hand rested on my thigh, a bright smile with big dimples smiled back at me. His name was Moses and he was an orphan, living in one of the Watoto villages, a small grouping of building that held 8 orphans and one housemother.  Almost all of the occupants were affected by the AIDS crisis in Africa. Widowed, orphaned, left alone all due to the severe outbreak of the HIV/AIDS pandemic.

Moses’ bright eyes lit up when you talked to him, his smile wide and inviting. Next to him sat his house brother, another orphan. He did not smile back. His eyes lacked sparkle, as if staring into a deep abyss. He had missing fingers on one of his hand and he kept close to his house brother. Two boys, both orphaned through no fault of their own. Both having seen things that no child deserves to see.

It was then, in 2002, in Kampala, Uganda that my eyes were opened. I could not pretend I did not know. I had seen with my own eyes, felt with my own hands, hugged with my own arms. The plight of the orphans was not just a moving commercial for partnership. It was bright happy eyes and very, very sad eyes. It had touched my heart, grabbed my soul and never really lost it’s grip.

Fast-forward 13 years. It was August of 2015 and I was at the playground. It was a hot and sweaty evening and my children were tearing around. Somehow, Ryan and I started talking about kids, our kids and what our future was going to look like.

We both took a deep breath and shared our hearts.

After four pregnancies, three beautiful, healthy children and almost 9 years of marriage, we both separately had been praying for our next step.

On our own, individually, we both came to the exact same conclusion.

Adoption.

We were ready.

My heart had felt the call years ago, the tug and the pull always intensified with every adoption story that I heard. Ryan has his own journey towards adoption and maybe one day I will have him share it here.

But for now, we were united.

We wanted to add to our little family. We wanted to bring a child in. 

So, almost one year later we are FINALLY and HAPPILY able to announce.

WE ARE ADOPTING FROM CHINA!!

We have our approved and sealed home study, our request to the United States Immigration for the approval to adopt sent and we are wrapping up the last of our dossier, which will be sent to China.

Many, many things have happened before we got to this place. I will share more of how we got here later.

But for now, celebrate with us! We are adopting a child from China. Pray for our little one. Pray for us!

Here are some quick facts so far.

1.     We are adopting a special needs child from China. We do not know if it will be a boy or a girl, and we do not care. We have no preference. Boys, however, wait much longer than girls. We love boys! We don’t want them to wait for a family, but if we are matched with a girl, there is a very excited sister waiting for her.

2.     Special needs?! What does that mean? We don’t know. It could mean anything from missing digits, some mental or physical delays to cleft lip and palate. Maybe less, maybe more. We just don’t know until we receive our referral.

3.      The cost of an international adoption to China is around $35,000. It is a daunting number that gets broken down into lots and lots of small (and a few very large) payments. A large part of the cost is traveling to and from China and the lodging.

4.     How are going to pay for it? Well, we have been saving and not taking vacations for the last year. We can also now start applying for grants. We are also hoping to do a few fundraisers as well. The Lord has been so faithful. Every time we had a payment due, we were able to cover it. So far, we have put in around $5,000.

5.     How can you help? Pray with us! Pray that we keep meeting our financial goals.  We are working with Nightlight Christian Adoptions, a non-profit agency, so all payment given to us are tax deductible! Own a business and need a tax write off? Consider donating to our adoption. We are on the site AdoptionBridge.com and all donations will go 100% to our adoption. You can read our profile here. Feel free to post and share it with your friends! Every little bit helps.

h  

 Many thanks for reading this far and for celebrating with us as we welcome a new member into our family!

The Best Is Yet To Come

Happy 2016!

Whew.

2016. 

We made it.

This year. It is going to be a big year for us, I can feel it.

2015 was good and trying and challenging. All years are. We have had some changes that happened late into the year that are bringing us to new places this January.

Late in December, Ryan closed the door on his job in Ann Arbor. He joined the start up with high expectations 18 months ago. If you know us, you know how much he worked. Hours upon hours, way past what is normal or, in my wifely opinion, acceptable. He gave it 100%. Somewhere along the way, the effort grew one sided. Ryan kept working, but expectations were not met on their side. It was a challenging time.

 But, out of the blue, Ryan was offered a new job. A promotion, with a nice raise. They pursued him, and offered everything that was promised before at the former job, plus some.

God is so good. While in the midst of struggling, there was a light at the end of the tunnel. We had no idea, but He did.

So, in this new year, this fresh start and clean slate, Ryan started his new job. The boys are back in school, ready to tackle the new year. Macy and I are home...cleaning up the remainder of vacation fun.

This is just the start though. (Not the cleaning though, that will always be around)

There is more to come.

Good things. Great things. Challenging things.

There is an underlining excitement for this year that I have not felt in awhile.

We are taking some big steps. Faith filled steps. Scary steps. Exciting steps.

The best is yet to come.

Giving Thanks

My blessings are multiple. Health, family, love, life. All chocked full of blessings.

The day to day can makes those blessing hazy, getting out of focus as the latest accident needs to be cleaned up, or the same warning of getting off the counter has been issued 12 times in a row.

One of the things that I like best about Thanksgiving is that the important thing comes back into focus and those daily annoyances fade to the background where they belong. A entire day to think about your blessings, the be thankful for those who are around you. While so much bad seems to be happening, there is always, always good. Roofs over heads, clothes on bodies, smiles, laughter, food in the fridge. All worthwhile blessings to count today and every day.

Since I could write for hours about the things I am thankful for, I decide to just pick the main 4 reasons of my life. The reasons that my world spins round and that makes all that daily grind more than worth it.

I am thankful for my husband. He is my best friend and partner in life. His integrity is true and deep. Maybe I was naive, but the longer my husband has been in the business world, the more shocking the lack of integrity and lack of basic honesty abides in business, even businesses run by people of faith. Regardless of what was said, promises or how he was treated, Ryan has remained true and faithful, never wavering in his integrity. I love many, many things about him, but this is one of my favorites. I am so proud to have my children watch their dad and how he deals with life and work. Ryan is showing them what it means to be honest and true to your word, regardless of if it is the easiest or fastest path in life.

I am so thankful for my oldest baby, my Jack. His love for learning and discovering is inspiring. He is thriving in school, eager to lead his peers and excited about any academic challenge. His teachers speak highly of his bright and fun personality and we couldn't agree more. He likes to tell jokes, dance, and entertain those around him. I love my little book worm who asks for biographies on inventors for Christmas and eagerly anticipates Monday morning's new list of spelling words. He is a friend to all and we love that just as much!

I am so thankful for my Colin, lovingly nicknamed Boo Boo by his sister. My middle man is kind and sweet, shy to those he first meets but fiercely loyal to his friends. He is navigating Kindergarten well, leaning to engage with those around him and growing in confidence.  His natural intuition with sports has been fascinating to watch. He is a coach at heart. Colin understands how a sport should work and controls the field or the court. He always looks for the open player, directs teammates to the best place and competes fully. He is the only 5 year old I know who can look at a full field or court and than decides what is the best thing to do. Put him in a large room with a lot of people and he will be quiet and shy, playing only with those he knows. Put him on a soccer field or basketball court and he comes alive, engaging with everyone. Most importantly, he laughs and has the most fun. We love our silly, emotional Boo Boo. He does everything at 100%.

I am so thankful for my only girl, my little momma on the go. Macy is loud and funny and determined to never, ever be left out. She is talking up a storm these days. There is never a doubt about what she does or does not want. She loves to sing and will sometimes answer her dad and brothers by singing a motivational or instructional little jingle from Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood. They really appreciate that, especially when it involves eating their dinner.  ("You gotta try new foods, cause it might taste gooooood. Gooo ooo ood!") She is sassy and definitely TWO. She asks where we are going every day and always takes either a bag, a baby and some sort of accessories. She loves to play with kids and every child she sees is her "friend". She gives great hugs and kisses. We are so happy to have a little lady in our life. We love our Macy so.

So, count your blessings, big or small today. I know that holidays can be hard, especially when there is a loss in the year. We lost my Grandma Andrew on my birthday this year. It is hard. It can be difficult to see past the pain and to see any good at all. But know that you are never truly alone, it is never truly hopeless.  There is Hope in the One that sacrificed it all for you. (John 3:16-17)

Happiest Thanksgiving, friends!

Remembering...

It doesn't seem possible that one year ago today my sweet grandmother slipped into eternity.

I miss her.

I miss her laugh. I miss her hugs, the smell of her perfume that hung to everything around her.

I miss her notes in the mail, to me, to the kids, to Ryan.

It still seems wrong that she is not here, like a nagging in the back of your mind that something is missing, but you just can't fix it.

While it is easy to sit here and feel sad, a bit lost, a bit mad (I hate cancer. Hate it, hate it, hate it) and wallow in the feelings that are still raw and fresh, it is not what I want this post to be about.

  I really just want to remember. I want to remember all the good.

SO much good.

So much love.

So much happiness and so much laughter.

Those memories are the ones that bring smiles through tears.

Those are on the things that I want to think about.

I want to remember how she was just the best Grandma and the perfect great -grandma to my kids.

She was an example of love and grace and honor.

She was a loving wife and followed my grandpa to Alaska and back in retirement.

She was an active and involved mother.

A giver of her time, her attention and her affections.

She was faithful.

She was strong.

She helped anyone who needed it, prayed for anyone at any time.

Wednesday nights and Sundays would find her at church, serving the children. Loving those who did not get much love at home, being consistent in their lives when few else had.

And that is just a drop in the bucket.

So today, I remember my beautiful Grandma.

I rest in the peace of knowing that she is in Heaven and that I will meet her there one day.

And oh, what a reunion that will be!