Firsts

First Easter basket for the baby! She may not be AS excited as her brothers, but she does don those bunny ears like a champ.

First Easter spent with family in 7 years! The boys loved their special egg hunt!

Macy and I missed the egg hunt in attempts of a nap. It was a failure, but definitely not the first vetoed nap by this little Miss.

The obligatory Easter best family picture! I sure do have a handsome crew.

 

Baby's first Easter dress, picked out by her brothers.

 

6 days after getting family all together for Easter, we all gathered once again.

This time is was because the first spring thaw had come through and the ground was no longer frozen. We were finally able to bury my Grandmother and have a small graveside service for her on a cool, sunny day.

It is not the first time that I have been to my grandparent's house since my Grandma passed away. I was there the following day, helping plan her funeral. I was there before the visitation and than after the funeral. It is sad. It is weird. It is normal. It is my grandparent's house.

But always that first swing of the door, the familiar smell, the glow of the wood, the sound of talking, that first step on to the threshold, it hits me like a load of bricks. I strain to hear her voice, to hear her beckon me in. That first step into the house takes my breath away. By the time I have put the carseat down, taken off little shoes and hung up coats, I have recovered and can breathe. But oh that first step, that first breath... it hits me every single time.

This grieving thing. It is a first for me. I have lost family members before, and I was deeply saddened and affected. But the loss of my grandmother is still processing in my heart and mind. Never before have I lost someone so close to me, so close to my heart, so intricately involved in my life.

I am so very thankful that I have the family I do, the grandmother I had, and the love that we all share for each other and those around us. It helps. It helps to heal. It helps to be able to watch my kids play outside with my Grandfather. For him to build the first bonfire of the season and sit and watch the embers glow. It helps to know that everyone is happy to be together, even if there is a gigantic hole missing. We all just miss her so very much. Family time was her very favorite thing. I know that she would be so happy to see us all together. And that makes me smile and miss her all the more. 

It wouldn't be the first time and it certainly won't be the last time.