Friday, October 14, 2016

10 Things I Love About You

Today we celebrate our ten year anniversary. Double digits. 10 whole years. That is a long time, but yet, it seems like yesterday. So many things have happened, changed, evolved in those 10 years. We are no longer the bright-eyed, newly graduated babies. (Seriously. We were such babies!) New to the work world, new to adult responsibilities, new to married life.

While I could expound about some much, reminisce for hours, I decided to find just 10 of my very favorite pictures of you.  They say a picture says a thousand words, so I will let these few little memories speak for themselves.

Our very first Christmas married. You let me put you in an very ugly Christmas sweater. And I loved you for it.

We were about to become parents. Babies having babies. Little did we know the joy, love and hard work that would follow.  Now, I would tell my younger, pregnant self to savors those last few moments of just us. They were short and fleeting. Just savor.

And than we became parents. No longer was it you and I. Now it was the three of us. We were a family.

 A new house and and new baby. Colin made our family a foursome.

And than there were three. Three children that we created together. Three little lives, three little loves.  Our very first little lady.

 But in-between the moving and the houses and the babies, there was still us. 
We were in it together.

Piles of babies on pillows. Cuddling and loving on their Daddy. You are just the very best Daddy to our children, a true example of how to act and live. Our children are so very lucky.
Every day something of this sort is happening. Cuddles and loving on Daddy. They may be bigger and heavier and wrestle harder...but they still love to be on the floor with you.

Ten years later, we are still happy, still thriving and still loving deeply. 
I still like you.
Even after I have lived with you for 10 years.

 And now, we are on a new adventure. A new Fedell to bring into the fold. A new little life to call our own.
I love that you want to adopt with me, that you want to take a beautiful little life that was left alone and bring them into our family.

I loved you than, I love you now and I will love you always.

Happy Anniversary, Ryan.

Saturday, October 1, 2016

Apple Pickin'

Last week, Michigan decided to show off. 

Sunny skies, cotton clouds and just a hint of coolness in the breeze, hinting of cooler weather to come.

It was a beautiful day to head to the apple orchard and pick ourselves a peck.

Unfortunately all of Detroit Metro had the same idea, so parking and donut/cider lines were insane.

But we were able to head to the corner of the orchard and have some space for ourselves.

Apple picking with my people.

It is a fall favorite.

Welcome, October.

I am so glad to see you again!

Saturday, September 17, 2016

Oh, Three.

My girl is three today. So very big. So very sweet. So very funny.

Macy lights up our world with her sweet smile, her funny laugh and the never ending stories.

Sweet and sassy, she holds her own in a world of big brothers. Never short with a pose, an idea or a song, she keeps us on our toes.

We are so thankful that you came into this world, three years ago.

We will never be the same and we are so glad that you are ours.

We love you Macy Elizabeth. Thanks for letting us be your parents.

After all, it's Macy's World...she just lets us live here.

Sunday, September 11, 2016

Daddy: An Adoption Post by Ryan

* This post is written by my husband, Ryan. We will both be writing about our adoption in this space.


This word has the power to move me like no other word.  To laugh.  To cry. To worry.  To smile.  To protect. To hold. To encourage. To listen. To miss. To help.   


This is one of the most precious words in the world to me. 


This word can mean so many things.  In the middle of the night it means I’m scared.  At the playground it means come play.  In the kitchen it means I spilled juice all over the place and I’m not sure how to tell you.  In the living room it means chase me and tickle me.  On the soccer field it means did you see the play I just made.  At the beach it means do we really have to go now. 

But the word means so much more than that.


Will you protect me?  Will you love me?  Will you be there for me?  Will you help me?  Will you lead me?  Will you understand me? Will you still want me?


Every little boy and girl needs a daddy.  This is one of the reasons I’m so passionate about adoption and knew we had to do something about it. 


It’s a title for me but it’s not about me.  

Every child needs a daddy to protect them, to love them, to be there for them, to help them, to lead them, to understand them, to want them.  


This word has changed my life.  


 Adopting is one of the most exciting and overwhelming things we have done as a family.  If you’d like to help us, we would love your support.  To help us cover our adoption cost, click here.

I think this video does a great job of capturing the emotion, reality, and power of daddy.    

Wednesday, September 7, 2016

1st and 3rd

And it is over. The first day of school. The first drop off, the first friend, the first lunch time, the first recess. The first day of first grade. The first day of third grade. It's in the books and it was successful.

This letting go thing is not easy. It is so much easier to cocoon those sweet boys in my home, in my arms, with my watchful eyes on them. What if Colin's teacher doesn't realize that he needs alone time? How does a 6 year old find some space in a school of 400?! Will Jack's teacher let him be creative or will she just move forward with the schedule? SO many "what ifs", so many questions that unsettle this momma's heart.

But, I am proud of these boys. Colin was brave and stoic as he walked through the hallways crowded with kids and made his way slowly to his classroom. He took in everything around him, trying to commit everything to memory, so he could repeat it on his own. On our way down the hallway, just as we reached his classroom door a new little boy that he was introduced to minutes before the bell rang turned around, grabbed his hand and told him that this was their classroom. He was going to be alright.  I watched Colin and the little boy walk hand in hand into the room. Mom didn't even need to walk him in.(Don't worry. I cried when I told Ryan that story...and every time I think about it)

Jack is the pro now. The big bad third grader. He put his arm around his "bff" who was feeling a bit nervous with the new teacher. He put his lunch in the basket and got all of his new school supplies out, ready to start.

I was anxious and nervous and teary about Colin being in a big new school, full day. I paced the house, checked the clock, looked at the schedule a million times. I gave myself pep talks. "It's fine. He's fine. Everything is fine."

And it was.

Colin WAS fine. He did great. He engaged with both his teacher and his music teacher. Jack was bummed that he could not check out new books from his new teachers yet. He has his reading placement test today and was excited/nervous.

So on this second day of school, I want to remember those first few nerves. Those first big steps. The oversized backpacks and the shuffling feet. Because all too soon, they will be moving out of elementary into a whole new world. Mom is just not ready for that...yet.

Thursday, August 18, 2016

We Are Ready

The air hung heavy and thick, the humidity so dense you could cut a knife through it. Sweat, earth and the sweet scent of tropical flowers scented the air while the ground left a perpetual covering of a deep red dust.  Laughter and shouts filled the air as groups of kids ran and played, begging to be picked up, thrown in the air, spun around. A dark, chubby little hand rested on my thigh, a bright smile with big dimples smiled back at me. His name was Moses and he was an orphan, living in one of the Watoto villages, a small grouping of building that held 8 orphans and one housemother.  Almost all of the occupants were affected by the AIDS crisis in Africa. Widowed, orphaned, left alone all due to the severe outbreak of the HIV/AIDS pandemic.

Moses’ bright eyes lit up when you talked to him, his smile wide and inviting. Next to him sat his house brother, another orphan. He did not smile back. His eyes lacked sparkle, as if staring into a deep abyss. He had missing fingers on one of his hand and he kept close to his house brother. Two boys, both orphaned through no fault of their own. Both having seen things that no child deserves to see.

It was then, in 2002, in Kampala, Uganda that my eyes were opened. I could not pretend I did not know. I had seen with my own eyes, felt with my own hands, hugged with my own arms. The plight of the orphans was not just a moving commercial for partnership. It was bright happy eyes and very, very sad eyes. It had touched my heart, grabbed my soul and never really lost it’s grip.

Fast-forward 13 years. It was August of 2015 and I was at the playground. It was a hot and sweaty evening and my children were tearing around. Somehow, Ryan and I started talking about kids, our kids and what our future was going to look like.

We both took a deep breath and shared our hearts.

After four pregnancies, three beautiful, healthy children and almost 9 years of marriage, we both separately had been praying for our next step.

On our own, individually, we both came to the exact same conclusion.


We were ready.

My heart had felt the call years ago, the tug and the pull always intensified with every adoption story that I heard. Ryan has his own journey towards adoption and maybe one day I will have him share it here.

But for now, we were united.

We wanted to add to our little family. We wanted to bring a child in. 

So, almost one year later we are FINALLY and HAPPILY able to announce.


We have our approved and sealed home study, our request to the United States Immigration for the approval to adopt sent and we are wrapping up the last of our dossier, which will be sent to China.

Many, many things have happened before we got to this place. I will share more of how we got here later.

But for now, celebrate with us! We are adopting a child from China. Pray for our little one. Pray for us!

Here are some quick facts so far.

1.     We are adopting a special needs child from China. We do not know if it will be a boy or a girl, and we do not care. We have no preference. Boys, however, wait much longer than girls. We love boys! We don’t want them to wait for a family, but if we are matched with a girl, there is a very excited sister waiting for her.

2.     Special needs?! What does that mean? We don’t know. It could mean anything from missing digits, some mental or physical delays to cleft lip and palate. Maybe less, maybe more. We just don’t know until we receive our referral.

3.      The cost of an international adoption to China is around $35,000. It is a daunting number that gets broken down into lots and lots of small (and a few very large) payments. A large part of the cost is traveling to and from China and the lodging.

4.     How are going to pay for it? Well, we have been saving and not taking vacations for the last year. We can also now start applying for grants. We are also hoping to do a few fundraisers as well. The Lord has been so faithful. Every time we had a payment due, we were able to cover it. So far, we have put in around $5,000.

5.     How can you help? Pray with us! Pray that we keep meeting our financial goals.  We are working with Nightlight Christian Adoptions, a non-profit agency, so all payment given to us are tax deductible! Own a business and need a tax write off? Consider donating to our adoption. We are on the site and all donations will go 100% to our adoption. You can read our profile here. Feel free to post and share it with your friends! Every little bit helps.


 Many thanks for reading this far and for celebrating with us as we welcome a new member into our family!

Wednesday, July 27, 2016

Both Hands

We've reached a milestone.
Both hands. Colin needs BOTH hands to show his age.
The big six.

My baby boy is six.
I can hardly believe it.
It seemed like yesterday that I held his fuzzy little head to my cheek and snuggled his little newborn mush.

But, oh how I have loved these 6 years.

That laugh.

That pout.

The varied and vast emotions of my sweet sensitive little soul who feels 100% of the time

I wouldn't change it for the world.

I love the way that you laugh with your whole body.

I love the way that you run at full speed, all the time.

I love that you defend those you love, regardless of the size of the opponent.

I am proud of you when you try to control those powerful emotions and not let them get the best of you.

Oh, Colin, my boy, I can't wait to see you grow!

You challenge me and push me and propel me forward.
I love you for that.

My sweet little Boo, 
Happiest 6th Birthday!

We love you so!